A death doula goes by many names and wears many hats. We are also called End-of-life Doulas, Death Coaches, Dying Guides, and more.
Maybe you’ve heard of birth doulas. Just as birth doulas assist an expectant mother, her loved ones, and her medical team with prenatal planning, the birthing process, and postnatal support, death doulas do the same thing. Except we do it for the dying and not the newborn.
Death doulas offer information, guidance and non-medical assistance before, during, and after the death process. We aren’t meant to replace family and primary caregivers, nor would we ever try to. Rather, we answer questions, run errands, assist in planning, and anything else that you might need that doesn’t extend to medical care.
In this way, death doulas supplement and complement a hospice team. While hospice usually has to balance numerous patients, doulas are often able to be more selective in their intake, admitting only as many clients as they can comfortably serve.
Thus, we have the ability to offer quality and individualized time for longer visits.
Lastly, there is no governing/official body for “certifying” death doulas. As such, death doulas are “certificate holders,” having completed a thorough training program that awards a certificate of competancy.
Since hospices’ main requirement is that the patient be given a 6-month prognosis, you won’t see a hospice team being called for legacy planning or advance care anywhere before that 6 month mark.
A death doula’s capacity to provide guidance long before a 6 month prognosis is therefore one of the differentiators between doulas and hospice.
The biggest difference, however, is that a death doula provides strictly non-medical care. In other words, pain management and other physical attributes – administering medications, taking vitals, etc – will be managed by hospice, never a doula.
Because a death doula’s practice is not regulated by a governing body, there is great flexibility and diversity in what a doula may or may not offer; each death work practice is as unique as the individual who practices it. For example, you might see a death doula who integrates Reiki into their services. Or another doula who offers massage work. There are doulas, like myself, who keep their scope to virtual clients, but who offer logistical support for pre-arrangements, pre-planning, or simply a caring ear to listen to while you vent the most societally unacceptable diatribe about living, dying, and why the hell is this all so hard?!
Whether or not you or a loved one is actively dying or suffering from a terminal illness, meeting with a death doula offers numerous benefits. Here are some of the ways a death doula can help no matter where you are in life:
Open dialogue and education to familiarize yourself with this vastly unfamiliar, uncomfortable landscape of death and dying
Pre-planning helps provide a sense of calm that accompanies proper preparation
Assists in developing legacy projects
Provides information on what to expect at all stages
Offers resources on practical matters, such as funeral planning, hospice arrangements, and other logistics
Suggests available resources in the community: meal planning, childcare, etc
Helps facilitate conversation when family members don’t know what to say
Takes on menial tasks like running errands so that the primary caregiver can either get a break or spend quality time with the dying person
Can lessen fears through open and honest conversations as desired
Arranges and/or sits vigil: sitting quietly during the final hours
Helping family members keep presence during this time
We are knowledgeable guides to bring any and all questions. And perhaps most importantly, we are a loving shoulder to lean on.