What kind of support & services does a virtual death doula offer?
A virtual death doula typically offers many of the same services that you could expect if you hired a doula who visited you regularly in your home. Within my own doula practice, I find that these services in particular are a great fit for online/virtual support:
End-of-life Planning
The art of end-of-life planning is just what it sounds like: making plans and preparations for the end of your life. In the wild, it’s often referred to as “getting your affairs in order.” End-of-life planning can be some or all of the following:
- Documenting your preferences for medical care if you’re hospitalized.
- Gathering your important documents, account details, passwords, and more into one safe and secure location.
- Getting legal paperwork, such as wills, estates, or trusts, set up with the help of an estate attorney…NOT a death doula.
- Specifying the details of your funeral or even the ideal space in which you’d like to die, if possible.
While this can definitely be done in your home, conducting end-of-life planning can easily be conducted through a Zoom call.
Grief Support
I firmly believe grief support is something that all people shold have access to, regardless of location or income. That’s why I’m delighted to provide virtual grief support to clients across the country. Grief support is non-clinical care, meaning that I don’t diagnose you with depression nor prescribe you with medications. Instead, I lean on my extensive training and experience walking with my clients through grief.
Grief support is a place for you to share the stories of your person – in a space of compassion and non-judgement, where tears, laughter, rage, and more are witnessed and welcome.
Legacy Work
Similar to end-of-life planning, we don’t need to be in the same physical space in order to explore the marvelous threads of a life. We simply need to be on a Zoom call where I can interview you with a variety of prepared questions designed to get you to think deeper about the greater themes of your life – and how you’d like to be remembered.
What are the benefits of hiring a virtual death doula?
Emotional & spiritual support with a knowledgeable guide
Our society does not teach us how to walk the end-of-life road. We are not equipped with knowledge necessary to have the difficult conversations, and often unaware of how important it can be to broach those topics.
This is where a death doula can help.
From the comfort of your own home, you will have a doula in your pocket (and on your screen) for live, 1:1 focused guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.
Capture & share your legacy - the stories of your life
A large portion of the work at a life’s end is making sense and/or meaning of that life.
Research shows that people are concerned with these three questions: What was I here for? Who did I love? Who loved me? Legacy work helps explore those questions and many more.
You are able to document your most important lessons for future generations while coming to peace with both your triumphs and your mistakes. All contributed to the individual you are, and all deserve to be honored and witnessed.
Grief support after someone has died
If we’re unprepared to deal with the minutia of death, then we are doubly unprepared to deal with the pain of grief.
My heart aches each time a client shares how isolated and alone they feel following the death of their loved one – whether that death happened last week, last month, or last year.
In virtual grief support, we meet through Zoom to process and walk through your journey – you aren’t alone in what you’re walking through. And no, you aren’t crazy either. You’re grieving hard because you love hard.
What types of care are NOT the best fit for virtual support?
Truly, bedside care and/or vigil companionship are the only services I would not recommend for virtual support. And even that’s debatable because I know a handful of doulas who have done it!
Bedside care can refer to a few things, but it tends to involve the doula alternating between sitting by the bed of the dying person, chatting with them (if applicable), or assisting the family with chores around the home. Meanwhile, vigil companionship tends to be more specific, and is often the image people conjure when they envision a death doula: quietly sitting by the bed of the dying person, perhaps holding their hand or softly reading aloud from a book of poems.
Obviously, a doula can’t do laundry or prepare meals for the family if they are not physically present. This could potentially be arranged ahead of time, where the doula offers some services virtually, and they set an appointment to visit the home for a few hours to assist with meal prep or other chores.
What does it cost to work with a virtual death doula?
The fees for my services are bespoke packages that are customized to your situation and needs. These packages are built around my $75 hourly rate, except for all Legacy/Writing services, which are $85/hour.
That said, I am deeply committed to equitable access to death doula care; this work is important, and no one should be turned away. If finances are an issue, please reach out so we can come to a suitable arrangement. Depending on the situation, I could provide you with referrals to no-cost resources or we could discuss other cost-effective options.
What is it like to work with a virtual death doula?
Anonymous Mini Case Study #1: Legacy Work
B reached out to me to honor their ill parent’s voice by telling their stories in a legacy book.
We began with an introductory Zoom call to answer their questions and for me to clarify how I could help them share their parents’ life stories. Then we proceeded with interviews of the parent and other family members to capture a more full view of this radiant person.
We would meet regularly to record stories – sometimes added by screensharing online photo albums and talking through the memories that the photos contained. This project is still ongoing, and we are working to create a beautiful photo book that pairs the memories and stories with a rich library of photos to accompany them.
Anonymous Mini Case Study #2: Grief Support for Parent Loss
K discovered me through my Instagram page, where they were searching for grief support in the wake of both their parents’ deaths.
K was struggling to feel “normal” again, and feared they were somehow grieving “wrong.” It didn’t help that the well-meaning comments from extended family and friends made K feel invalid in their grief.
We established a weekly schedule for grief support Zoom sessions and are continuing to meet as we explore the far-reaching aspects of grief and how to integrate that grief into a life without their parents.
When should I reach out for death doula support? How do I begin?
There’s really no wrong time to get started – if you feel a tugging at your heart that’s calling you forward into the deep, sometimes scary conversation around the end of life, then click the link below to book a 15 minute consultation (so I can answer anything not listed here or in the FAQ!)
Or, if you’re ready to begin, then take a deep breath and book in for a full hour. That’s where the real magic happens because you get a full hour of uninterrupted time for us to dive deep into your case and your questions.
Nothing is off limits – here, I don’t believe in “the taboo.” Only in the deep, the searching, and the soulful. Whether you’re processing your grief or exploring your own mortality, this hour is for you to do with whatever you wish.
Hi, I'm Niki, death doula, life mentor, and asker of big questions.
It can be confusing and frightening to face your own mortality and/or the loss of a loved one. I’m here to make that process a little bit easier.
I completed my death doula training at the University of Vermont Larner College of Medicine’s Death Doula program back in 2019. As a death doula, my work is strongly informed by the idea that engaging with the concept of our own finite nature (death and dying) help us live better lives that are more authentically aligned with our truest values.
My virtual services encompass practical aspects of pre-planning and logistics, to the more esoteric, philosopher-y dialogues surrounding spirituality, death fears, and what a good life means to you.
Regardless of where you live in the country (or the globe!) I specialize in providing deeply personal support tailored to your specific needs and goals.
